I watch your smoky fingers unspool, swirling in the air, spelling your arrival, the way only the dead know how

After a dual diagnosis, I look back on intuition, loss, and a fractured friendship to understand how one painful reconnection may have given me more time.

Over ten days, I kept returning to the same images while working through depression and conflict with Hans. Through Eros and Psyche, the work shifted into distance, misalignment, and the inability to reconcile who he had been with who he is now. Still, I stayed with it.

During a ten-day drawing practice shaped by the myth of Eros and Psyche, I tried to draw Hans’s face for the first time in years. Each attempt forced a confrontation between devotion and verification. Making him visible risked shifting him from my unseen companion to the historical man he once was, revealing how the act of seeing can alter the bond itself.

After years of silence, I return to Blind Love—a novel born of visions, memory, and warning—guided again by Hans as the world turns darker still.

This post explores how Hans communicates with me through music.

Exploring love, intimacy, and union with a spirit husband. This post unveils personal accounts and research of intimate interdimensional relationships.

A journey through love, transformation, and spirit connection with Hans, my guide, told in 3 acts of shedding, searching, and surrendering.

An intimate, visitation dream account with Hans and his WWII capture in barren fields.

A journey of love transcending time: how films and music shaped my connection to Hans, my soulmate beyond death.

Hans came through for the time during a visitation astral visitation on 10/31/93, shortly following his death.

Creative work and partnership with subtle entities

It can be very tricky having sex with a spirit. For one, they are oftentimes invisible, so you have to get creative...

There are a million ways to describe what it's like to be erotically touched by a spirit. And yet it befuddles me to describe the experience.

The term sayfish metaphorically captures one of the challenges of being in an inter-dimensional marriage.

I wish I could say that my relationship with Hans is a perpetual "mystical love affair" as my drawing title indicates.

As I process what it means to be married to a spirit, the term verboten culturally enslaves my relationship with Hans and deems it demonic.

Although he had been a fighter pilot in Germany in his previous life, equipped with his own wingman, now, as spirit, he is not here to lead.

It’s hard to find the words to describe what it’s like to be held by a spirit, by a subtle being devoid of skin.

A lot has happened since the last time I posted, including transferring schools and PhD programs.