I watch your smoky fingers unspool, swirling in the air, spelling your arrival, the way only the dead know how

A visitation dream of flight, fear, and surrender gives way to a YouTube feed overtaken by cockpit footage and a vanished interview. The return of fighter jets pulls me back into questions of love, truth, and what remains unresolved.

Over ten days, I kept returning to the same images while working through depression and conflict with Hans. Through Eros and Psyche, the work shifted into distance, misalignment, and the inability to reconcile who he had been with who he is now. Still, I stayed with it.

During a ten-day drawing practice shaped by the myth of Eros and Psyche, I tried to draw Hans’s face for the first time in years. Each attempt forced a confrontation between devotion and verification. Making him visible risked shifting him from my unseen companion to the historical man he once was, revealing how the act of seeing can alter the bond itself.

This post explores how Hans communicates with me through music.

A journey into sacred land, spiritual expansion, and aging as a return to the wild, guided by unseen forces and my spirit lover, Hans.

An intimate, visitation dream account with Hans and his WWII capture in barren fields.

Hans came through for the time during a visitation astral visitation on 10/31/93, shortly following his death.

Creative work and partnership with subtle entities

It can be very tricky having sex with a spirit. For one, they are oftentimes invisible, so you have to get creative...

There are a million ways to describe what it's like to be erotically touched by a spirit. And yet it befuddles me to describe the experience.

The term sayfish metaphorically captures one of the challenges of being in an inter-dimensional marriage.

I wish I could say that my relationship with Hans is a perpetual "mystical love affair" as my drawing title indicates.

As I process what it means to be married to a spirit, the term verboten culturally enslaves my relationship with Hans and deems it demonic.

Although he had been a fighter pilot in Germany in his previous life, equipped with his own wingman, now, as spirit, he is not here to lead.

It’s hard to find the words to describe what it’s like to be held by a spirit, by a subtle being devoid of skin.

A lot has happened since the last time I posted, including transferring schools and PhD programs.

Sad song by Bob Moses. The entire album, Days Gone By, is a requiem for the Surfside collapse + for my past life collapse trauma.

I’ve been battling depression since I was 14. In many ways, consider myself a warrior—always reaching into my “resiliency gene”...

Cigarettes and sex are on your breath again It's cool, I'm the same, the way we kiss...